I am on the verge of bursting my head out.

Even if it does happen though, I am sure I will not be able to reconstruct myself, pick up the millions of shattered cracks and build up a new figure, because the old one is already gone for too long before it was even reflected.

Can someone see this all going on? No; I hide too well. Disguise and swirl like a tornado, bumping, crashing on everything around and too hurried to see the damage.

What is this search? This unheard about search for joy; not even happiness anymore--that seems too deep and too harsh as well as this smashing grief for a living life.

And at the same time I am happy happy happy, so full of hope I could puke it all.

And at the same time I am sad sad sad, so empty I could be swallowed entirely up by this expanding void.